Hazel is Ten Months!

Today we went to the Little Treehouse for some family fun time. A woman saw you crawling, pulling yourself up and doing all those great tricks you do, so she asked Daddy how old you are. “9 months,” he proudly said. A few minutes later, I reminded him that you turned the big 10 months on Monday! “Wow, you’re right.”

It’s true that these past ten months have flown by, especially the last few. Everybody says the first year will be like that, but when a mom is in the thick of nursing, waking up too many times to count, attempting to stay on top of a clean house, laundry, groceries and basic hygiene (not to mention playing with the best baby ever and taking care of her basic needs), sometimes it seems that the first year will never end. If I am to be honest, I will be sad when it does, in spite of all the craziness I just listed.

You do so many things now. Daddy and I call them your tricks, but I don’t always like that word. Bandit does tricks; you discover, explore and experiment over and over again. You love to dance when music comes on or when we start singing. This means that you bounce up and down with a big goofy grin on your face, or just while you play with whatever toy. Bath time continues to be a favorite for you – you love to crawl in the tub, splash and pull yourself up. You play “So Big!” and when you put your arms up in the air, you look back and forth between Daddy and me with the biggest smile on your face. One of the best things is seeing how proud of yourself you are. You love to clap and we love it too, because it is one of the cutest things ever.

Another one of your feats is that you now cruise all around the downstairs. You go from wagon to couch to princess car to get to the other side of the room. It amazing to see how systematically you can get around without crawling or walking without help. You can also stand without holding onto anything for a long time. Every so often you take a step or two. Daddy calls them “Old Lady Shuffles.” It’s been tricky to get any video of this because as soon as you see the camera, you crawl over to play with it.

Things you love: Babbling, pointing, just sticking your hand up into the air very purposefully as though you are about to address a large crowd, books, and snuggling. Oh, snuggling – it’s the best. Throughout the day you’ve started coming over to just put your head down on my lap; or you crawl over just for a big hug. You give kisses - the sweetest thing ever; you accompany them with a loud “Mwah!” sound. You also blow kisses every so often with the same “Mwah!”

You continue to have this insanely sweet personality 95% of the time. A lot of people tell me how smiley you are and it’s true that you are one of the most social and happy babies I’ve ever met. Of course there’s that 5% when you’re not as happy, but nobody is perfect, right?

Your first Christmas is in a couple days and I am so excited for it. Christmas is my favorite time of the year and I’m hoping it will be yours too.

Half a Year!!!

Hazel Mae,

I can’t believe you are 6 months already! This past month has been so much fun watching become even more of your own person. Right when you turned 5 months, you started sitting up on your own. Every morning, you would sit in front of your mirror, play with your toys and stare at the Other Baby. Gradually, you started to scoot over to the stranger to make contact, sometimes by reaching out a hand, other times with a big, juicy raspberry.

You decided you liked that you could move yourself around a bit and started scooting all over the place. For a couple weeks, your favorite activity was to belly scoot along the floors and blow raspberries on them. You very quickly went from belly scooting to popping up to all fours and rocking back and forth. Watching you learn to crawl was one of the best things ever. You were so determined to move your body, but couldn’t quite figure out what to do with your hands - it was like they were glued to the floor. Don’t worry, smart girl, you quickly figured it out just before you turned 6 months.

Hazel, you continue to be one of the most expressive babies ever. In less than a second, you’re whole face goes from smiling to you’re worried look, eyebrows raised or sometimes furrowed. You make the sweetest squeaks and squeals when you babble; your sounds of frustration easily sound like a dinosaur and more often than not, Daddy and I have to laugh at them.

You don’t have any teeth yet, and, admittedly, I’ll be a little sad when you get them. I love nothing more than your huge gummy smile.

This past month, you rode an airplane for the first time and you loved it. Or at least didn’t dislike it. You visited your grandparents and Aunt Elizabeth in Illinois for the first time and got to meet some great aunts and uncles and two of your great grandmas.

We also spent the day at the beach and you had a great time in the waves and knocking down the sandcastles that Daddy built for you. In fact, Daddy likes to call you Hazel the Destroyer because you love to knock down towers and anything else you see. That was how you first crawled.

I’m not sure if you know this, but half a year is kind of a big deal. You have changed so much in the past six months and we couldn’t love you more or be more proud of who you are becoming. You are simply amazing.

Love,

Your Mama

5 months

Hazel,

Before you were born, I intended to write you a letter every month, but you came along and have wanted to spend so much time curled up with me that I never seemed to have time. And really, it seemed that you would always want to stay right by my side, so I didn’t even feel like the letters were necessary. But then independence started to happen.

At 3 1/2 months, you started to roll over both ways. This was great because it meant that you were starting to like being put down a little bit. Slowly but surely, you were able to hold your head up and enjoy tummy time for longer than a minute. You also started to take much more notice in the world around you. Bandit is one of your favorite things to watch. When he’s in the room, your eyes follow him everywhere and when he wants to get close enough, you love petting him, which looks more like grabbing and pulling. Luckily he tolerates it pretty well for now.

At 4 months, we borrowed a jumperoo from a friend and you love it. You concentrate on the toys and like to go crazy with jumping and moving the seat so that music plays and lights light up. We started to practice sitting more - you loved your bumbo and sitting in our laps during dinner and while we read stories. A week ago you still toppled over after a minute or two, but now you are sitting pretty much on your own, and when you do fall, you fall gracefully, usually not even bumping your head.

Yesterday I left you with Daddy so I could go see a movie with a friend. When I came home, he mentioned that you you had found your hands and knees and were rocking back and forth. This morning I caught it on video. Daddy and I are sure that you will be crawling within the next month which blows my mind. I thought that you would be my snuggly baby until at least 6 months. Of course I am so happy to see you grow and discover your independence. I tell you every night before bed how strong, smart, beautiful and wonderful you are. And you are finding that out for yourself, at an amazingly fast pace.

So I guess that I will try to be better about these monthly letters.

With Love.

ps - it’s totally okay with me if you want to start sleeping more than two hours. anytime now ;-)

Hazel Mae McCullough Donner

Welcome to the World!
Born February 20, 2010; 7:55 a.m.; 6 lbs. 11 oz.; 19 inches long

We love the name Hazel - the way it sounds and looks, but also the reference to Julian of Norwich*
Mae was my aunt's name and, in many ways, a second mother to me.

We are so excited for Miss Hazel to finally be with us and can't believe that she is already 2 weeks old! Stay tuned for her birth story...

Her first Picture

On the bili-lights

Sucking Daddy's finger

Sleeping peacefully

*"In this vision he showed me a little thing, the size of a hazelnut, and it
was round as a ball. I looked at it with the eye of my understanding and
thought "What may this be?" And it was generally answered thus: "It is all that is
made." I marvelled how it might last, for it seemed it might suddenly have
sunk into nothing because of its littleness. And I was answered in my
understanding: "It lasts and ever shall, because God loves it."
- Julian of Norwich

Lenten Reflections

Having grown up Catholic, I'm familiar with the discipline of fasting from something during this season before Easter. I have given up things like chocolate only to find myself hidden in my room at least once, alone with a bag of Mini Eggs. I have taken up disciplines of reading certain books and trying to exercise regularly. But I've slowly come to realize that Lent is not about denial and sacrifice so that we can get closer to God. And it's certainly not a reminder that we are going to die - I don't think I've met a person over the age of 25 who doesn't realize their own mortality. Instead, the season of Lent is about creating an awareness of everything that is around us, including both suffering and joy; it's about the awareness that God is all around us. And that She is there in the suffering and has suffered Herself, both divinely and incarnately.

An old camp leader of mine posted a blog about Lent today and says this:

It's the fear of being stuck, of becoming blind to the spiritual reality all around me, that has prompted me to decide to observe Lent this year. I can give all sorts of personal reasons why I will be fasting from alcohol for the next 40 days--the money, the calories, the fear of addiction--but really, it's because disrupting my own habits provides an opening for God's grace. Really, it's the hope that one small change will open my eyes.

I love this working understanding of Lent: that when we step out of our routines, we become more vulnerable and more ready to receive grace, not just from God, but from others and even ourselves. Hopefully through that, we will be able to love more and clearly see what is around us.

I'm not purposefully taking up a discipline or giving something up. Instead my routine will be interrupted by new motherhood. I am confident that our daughter will open my eyes to the divine all around, to the grace that I need to give myself and to the grace I'll need from others, including our peanut. Perhaps I'll pick up Julian of Norwich (my Lenten go to), but maybe I won't.

On a side note, our church's Lenten series is on the themes from Persepolis, the One Book, One Philadelphia pick for the year. Hopefully, we won't miss too many weeks because I'm really looking forward to this!

The Waiting Game

It's been awhile since my last post and I have some follow up thoughts to share, but not right now - maybe not for another month or so.

Amy, I do remember you! And I'm glad you tracked me down somehow :-)

Right now, we've begun to wait in earnest for our little peanut to arrive. For many reasons, I thought our baby would come before February. I even had a theory about "evacuation weight" - the body can only handle so much baby weight before ejecting the baby out. Well, that theory has gone down the toilet - Baby Donner weighs 7- 7 1/2 lbs. right now and my body is handling it pretty well. As one of the midwives said, she is just fattening up now.

And so the full moon came and went, as did last weekends mini snow, and no baby. We have everything ready for the baby and have for the past few weeks. We've been trying most of the tricks to get labor going, but we both know that the baby won't come until she's ready.* And for the most part, we are okay waiting, despite desperately wanting to finally see and hold our baby for the first time.

Things I will never say to a nine month pregnant woman again: "Waiting to hear that you're in labor!", "Do you feel anything changing today?", "I think you'll go at least a week over, maybe two."

We have names narrowed down to three and a middle name picked out. Before you ask, we probably won't tell you before the baby comes - nothing personal, it's just easier that way. But to my grandmother who likes to ask regularly, "Are you even thinking about a name?," the answer is "yes."

And so I'm sure the next couple weeks will be the same, at least until the baby comes - hoping that labor will start in the middle of the night, assuming it won't during the day and distracting ourselves with movies, board games, fun outings and anything else to take our mind off of the waiting.

Here are some pictures from the past couple weeks:

one of my faves

henna thanks to the wonderful michelle and many other friends

four generations

justin's baby bump - 9 mos.
my baby bump - 9 mos.

*if one more person tells me to eat spicy food, i might scream. i have an even higher tolerance to spice since pregnancy began - it will not suddenly send my body into labor.

Christmas Eve - A spiritual perspective

Have I mentioned how much we love our new church community? We do. And it's for so many reasons.

We decided to go to Lessons and Carols on Christmas Eve. There were nine readings with carols sung by the choir and congregation in between each one. There was also a sermon and the Eucharist celebrated. But what really stuck out to me was the reading from Isaiah 11 about wolves laying down with lambs, etc. It's a passage that I've read many times and we even have an olive wood carving of a lion and lamb snuggling each other, but as I reread "The infant will play near the hole of the cobra and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be full of the knowledge of YHWH as the waters cover the sea." (Is 11:8-9)

I was struck by this vision of Heaven that includes every creature being redeemed. I love that in Heaven (wherever and whatever that is) it's okay to play with snakes, wolves and other predatory creatures. And maybe this even extends past animals to those humans we think unredeemable - people who we are so quick to judge because they go against what we think is moral or those who have committed unthinkable crimes.

Before you rush in and say, "Of course they can be redeemed - all they have to do is accept Jesus as their Savior," know that what I'm really positing is that maybe Heaven is for everyone, whether they want it or not, whether they even know about it or not - no matter what God they follow or if they choose not to believe in God at all.

Of course this raises many more questions:

Maybe Heaven looks nothing like we've ever imagined it?

Maybe I'm a complete universalist who can't tear myself away from Christianity?

What is salvation really? When does it begin and what does it look like?

Why pursue good things if we just end up in Heaven anyway?

I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this stuff, so go ahead and comment or send me an email if you want to.